I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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