insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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