We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
