Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
