$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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