we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
my poor anus
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
