omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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