my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Randomize
