i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
