Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
