he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
