You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
God, I missed his penis.
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