Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So many bounce houses so little time
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
