This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
