No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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