Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
