Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm like, not good at living.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
