i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Buhtt sex?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
