She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
