im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
