Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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