I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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