i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
