we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
