dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
