Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
