I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
