I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
