I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
