OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
