he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
