i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
