dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
