i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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