dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
