Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
