guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
