i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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