also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
