I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
