Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
