Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
