On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You dont lie about slip and slides
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
