i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
