no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
