But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
