your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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