Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
