Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I want her autograph on my taint
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize