you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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