I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
