Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
