Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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