I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
