We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
