I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
