why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
