we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
