i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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