I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Quick, to the slutcave!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize