I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
