Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He? As in you personified your dick?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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