just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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