Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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