i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
