I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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