I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize