Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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